When seeking a marriage partner, be the person you are looking for. If you’re looking for someone polite and kind, then be polite and kind. If you want someone athletic and slim who loves the outdoors, then be athletic and slim and spend time outdoors. If you want someone emotionally balanced, unselfish, and trustworthy, then embody those character traits in your own life.

If you want someone who is totally honest, then be totally honest!

Don’t imagine that you can be dishonest, selfish, and out of shape, and yet attract someone who is honest, generous and fit. It doesn’t work that way.

Also please understand, I’m not saying that you should activate all these qualities in your life just so that you can attract a partner. No, I’m saying do it for God and for yourself. Be healthy, generous, and kind to people. Do it for yourself, so that you can grow as a human being. Be active in your worship, be humble, and be sincere. Do it for your own soul, and your own happiness.

If you do this, then you will find that good people are automatically attracted to you. Like attracts like. If you are happy, centered and sweet, you will attract someone who is the same. Of course you might also attract a lying, cheating bozo, but you’ll be able to see through that and kick that person to the curb.

Look, you don’t have to be perfect. Out of all the qualities I’ve mentioned, the most important are honesty and sincerity. It’s okay if you’ve got flaws. I can make my daughter a peanut butter sandwich or scrambled eggs, and I can open a tin, but beyond that I couldn’t cook my way out of a cardboard box. I weigh a little more than I should (my knees remind me of it every day), and I’m not the least bit handy with mechanical things and home improvements. Some of these things I’m working on, and some I’m not too concerned about, but I’m always struggling to improve myself in many ways. The thing is, I’m sincere. I don’t pretend to be something I’m not, and if I find that my words don’t match my actions, then I try to reform my actions.

Be sincere. Be honest. Live the life that you aspire to. Be the ideal person that you see in your mind. Eventually you will find yourself attracting people with similar values.

First let’s look at some examples of what you should not do in replying to a sister’s profile, or in writing your own profile:

1. Don’t write canned responses. Don’t write the same response to every sister’s profile, saying something like, “From the first moment I saw your photo I fell in love with you and can’t stop thinking of you. I want to marry you right away and come to your country.”

This kind of reply is transparent nonsense. You should approach a woman with sincerity. Reply to her particular profile and her personality. And if you are only writing to her in order to get residence in her country, you are wasting everyone’s time.

2. Don’t complain about your ex-wife. Don’t write a message that is just a long complaint about your ex-wife. “She was ungrateful, she did not cook the kind of food I like, she used to argue all the time… so I want a woman who will be grateful, cook good food, and don’t argue. If you want to marry me then you should meet these requirements.”

Sounds ridiculous I know, some men actually write these kinds of messages. Any reasonable woman is going to read this and think, “This is a man who is impossible to please. He does nothing but complain about his ex-wife and he would do nothing but complain about me if I married him.”

3. Don’t have a long list of strict requirements. Don’t write a long letter specifying point by point all the requirements that a woman must meet in order to be your wife. Why would someone be interested in trying to meet all your requirements? Why would a woman want to be with a man who is so picky and demanding, and who is more interested in what he can get than what he can offer?

What has your experience been? Have you seen some unappealing profiles or received unattractive responses? What was it about them that turned you off?

Five Pillars of a Successful Muslim Marriage:

1. Faith
2. Respect
3. Love
4. Trust
5. Communication

As I said, I will add more details later, but if you have any thoughts on this now please feel free to comment.