How NOT To Respond to a Matrimonial Ad

wael on January 23rd, 2009

As-salamu alaykum brothers and sisters. I’ve noticed that some of the Muslim men in particular write very strange responses to the matrimonial profiles in which they are interested. This has come to my attention because the Muslim sisters sometimes flag the messages, considering them to be inappropriate. Other times men say these things in their own matrimonial profiles, which is no better.

First let’s look at some examples of what you should not do in replying to a sister’s profile, or in writing your own profile:

1. Don’t write canned responses. Don’t write the same response to every sister’s profile, saying something like, “From the first moment I saw your photo I fell in love with you and can’t stop thinking of you. I want to marry you right away and come to your country.”

This kind of reply is transparent nonsense. You should approach a woman with sincerity. Reply to her particular profile and her personality. And if you are only writing to her in order to get residence in her country, you are wasting everyone’s time.

2. Don’t complain about your ex-wife. Don’t write a message that is just a long complaint about your ex-wife. “She was ungrateful, she did not cook the kind of food I like, she used to argue all the time… so I want a woman who will be grateful, cook good food, and don’t argue. If you want to marry me then you should meet these requirements.”

Sounds ridiculous I know, some men actually write these kinds of messages. Any reasonable woman is going to read this and think, “This is a man who is impossible to please. He does nothing but complain about his ex-wife and he would do nothing but complain about me if I married him.”

3. Don’t have a long list of strict requirements. Don’t write a long letter specifying point by point all the requirements that a woman must meet in order to be your wife. Why would someone be interested in trying to meet all your requirements? Why would a woman want to be with a man who is so picky and demanding, and who is more interested in what he can get than what he can offer?

What has your experience been? Have you seen some unappealing profiles or received unattractive responses? What was it about them that turned you off?

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